I’ve got acquaintances who like to forward email. A lot of email, made up of those “funnies,” “vital info” and “heartwarming thoughts” that you just can’t do without. Apparently.

I hate these emails.

Why do people send them? Why can’t they work out what the BCC button is for on their email client so my email address doesn’t go out to be hoovered up by whatever spambot is running the PC’s of people who keep telling me the wonders of Viagra and Cialis and how they’ll make me a real man?

Thankfully, a friend who shares my opinion (and also shares the same “forward to” acquaintances) sent the email below on to me. Finally, an email worth forwarding. If someone forwards you an email, fight back with this –

The Perfect Forwarding Email

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me “forwards” over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

* Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes – cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

* Also, I scrub The top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.

* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

* I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

* I no longer eat KFC because their “chickens” are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

* I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

* Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

* I no longer have any money at all in fact – but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.

Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour! If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of the runs will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.


And have a nice day!


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